Journal

For nothing more than the sake of keeping the record, this is a copy of an entry I made on a discussion board last week. It is honest and raw, I wrote it when I was exhausted but needed the release:

I don’t even know how to talk about this unit. Media has not been an issue for my life in any way for about half of the time period assigned. I was able to find a way to reduce the amount of time I wasted with the app I mentioned before. And, maybe I have been given my current challenge because I’ve developed such lazy habits. For sure, I won’t be spending much time doing those things anymore. I was playing one of the games when my week hit the fast track to hell, and I don’t think I will want to play again.
This week has taught me much about providence and looking for a sign of God’s hand in the lives of those I love. Rather than being cryptic, I’m just going to spill it. I’ve been at the hospital for about 15 hours today alone, and I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to keep playing the game of this class. Real life, kids, is messy.
For the last several weeks, my husband and I have been struggling. I’m battling depression, and felt like one of Satan’s minions we talked about a few weeks ago – one who is miserable so makes everyone else miserable also. He’s been battling his own demons. Basically, tired of pretending, we’re on the brink of walking out on each other. He took some time and attended Woodbadge just a week ago. When he got home, it was like a different person. I confessed some of my secrets and he pledged to be loyal and helpful. We wanted to make it work.
On Monday, he suffered a spinal cord injury and is now paralyzed from the waist down. Suddenly, we’re thrown into this state of turmoil and have barely rededicated ourselves to one another. I mean, we already got problems!
But throughout the week, I can see little things that are in place for reasons that I cannot comprehend. I can’t deny them. This sucks. It is hard. We are devastated. But I know that God loves me and He loves my husband. I don’t have very many answers, and I know there are darker days ahead of me, but I know that much to be true.
It has nothing to do with media, sorry. It’s all I can give.
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